The Art of the Turnaround

No, it's not some modeling catwalk technique, or odd ball driving move. When your out in the wide world, you're bound to meet someone who wants to impose their self-perceived authority and/or superiority on you. The 'turnaround', is when you calmly walk away from them, head held high as they realize they were wrong. For anyone, this technique is useful for dealing with cops or nosey-parkers.

A couple of weeks ago, I was parked on a rather busy urban suburb street. I went to sleep with no incident, but first thing in the morning, I was approached by the house owner, across the street from my parking spot. I could see that he wasn't in the mood for social niceties. Damn, I hate dealing with clowns before my morning coffee. OK, I had to remind myself, what would Gandhi do now.....

"Excuse me, hey, excuse me...." he threw at me, scurrying my way. "Morning, Can I help you?" I calmly replied. Puffing and obviously ready to tear a strip off me,"Did you sleep here last night! Huh!", he accused me. He started going off on this tangent, how I didn't have the right, and that he should phone the cops, etc. I listened to his verbal diarrhea, replying calmly and politely, slowing disarming his stance. I wanted to confront him, but that would only prolong his tirade. I did reply though, pointing out that I didn't want to drive when exhausted, and that I had slept longer than I meant. That I hadn't done anyone on the street any harm or nuisance, and as far as the cops were concerned, they would just tell me to move on, which I was already doing. His self-imposed power shrank against my polite, calm and measured replies.

But, although I just wanted to leave, I decided I wanted this idiot to feel like the dumbass he truly was. I looked for the weak point in his armor, listening to his simpering drivel while seeming to commiserate with him. Then I noticed it.

Defense, counter-attack, parry, lunge! Got him!

"That's a Legion pin, isn't it?" I queried, pointing at this lapel. "What's that to you!" He gruffly replied. I formally introduced myself as a fellow Legion member, stating my name, branch location, and that I also did volunteer work there. He shut his cake hole up, while he realized that he had stepped in his own shit. You see Legion members are supposed to be community-minded, you know, conduct themselves like a Good Samaritan. To anyone. I further strengthened my position with Legion small-talk.

I enjoyed a peculiar pleasure, watching this guy's face wince, while his balls shrank to the size of two frozen peas.

"I got to go.." I countered, as I made ready to leave. "Hey, listen.." He said. "You can park here anytime. No harm done, right." "No, I wouldn't want to impose on this nice neighborhood." I politely replied. As I drove away, a big grin spread across my face.

All this took place in only five minutes or so. The 'turnaround' worked like a charm. Later that day, I met up with Jenny. I still had flashes of the same grin on my face. A good day, all and all. I got to put clownboy in his place, and I got the girl! Sometimes, ya' just can't do no wrong.